Couples’ Financial Journey: Insights from Douglas and Heather Boneparth

Financial management among couples can often be a source of tension and disagreement. To navigate these challenges, financial planners Douglas and Heather Boneparth co-founded Bone Fide Wealth, a firm dedicated to helping couples work together on their finances. Their recent book, Money Together, offers insights into how partners can effectively align their financial goals while maintaining a strong relationship.

In an interview with Kiplinger Personal Finance Magazine, the Boneparths discussed the importance of fairness in financial discussions. Heather emphasized that fairness does not equate to a strict 50-50 division of financial responsibilities. “People often think fair means even,” she said. “When you search for that, you can end up in conflict, neither of you getting what you need.” Doug added that a focus on equality can detract from the teamwork necessary for a healthy relationship.

Regular and open conversations about finances are crucial for couples. Doug suggested scheduling meetings at the end of each calendar quarter, coinciding with when financial statements are released. He advised couples to start these discussions by celebrating financial wins before delving into budgeting, cash flow, and net worth. Heather highlighted the significance of discussing both short-term and long-term financial goals to ensure that both partners are aligned and aware of any shifting priorities.

Long-term partnerships often present unique challenges compared to newer relationships. Doug noted that couples who have been together for an extended time may have established routines that can be difficult to change. However, he also pointed out that long-term relationships provide valuable experience in understanding each other’s financial habits and preferences. Heather added that with time comes perspective, allowing couples to recognize what truly matters in their financial journey.

Some couples choose to divide financial duties, with one partner managing bills and the other handling investments. Doug stated that while this approach can work, it is essential for both partners to understand each other’s responsibilities. “Your family’s financial fate shouldn’t rest in one person’s hands,” he said, stressing the importance of communication and transparency regarding financial information.

When it comes to differing views on significant financial topics, such as retirement, the Boneparths emphasized the importance of mutual goals. Doug explained that identifying shared objectives can create a positive foundation for discussions and compromise. For instance, one partner may be ready to retire while the other may wish to continue working. “The best way to find common ground is to model what retiring now versus later looks like for cash flow and portfolio longevity,” he advised.

Heather recommended brainstorming multiple options rather than limiting discussions to two choices. “Put 12 to 20 options on the table,” she said. “When you’re sorting out all those scenarios, you could find something that you’re both comfortable with.”

Even after over a decade of marriage and writing a book together, the Boneparths acknowledge that they still face challenges in their partnership. Doug mentioned that working together adds complexity to their relationship. Heather noted their differing work styles, with her preference for planning contrasting with Doug’s more entrepreneurial approach. “We try to take our own advice on compromise,” she said.

Ultimately, the Boneparths believe that financial discussions should not aim for perfection but rather for continuous improvement in communication and collaboration. Their work provides valuable insights for couples striving to strengthen their financial partnerships while nurturing their relationships.

This article first appeared in Kiplinger Personal Finance Magazine, a trusted source for financial advice. For more information and resources on managing personal finances, consider subscribing to their newsletters.